I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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