My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
