he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
