put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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