My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
