Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
