This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
