I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
