That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
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I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
