How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
