I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
