Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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