I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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