His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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