hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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