What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
