dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
