i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
