he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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