I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
