just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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