Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
