All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
