the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
