you traded sex for a burrito?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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