very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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