3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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