Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
