He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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