Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
