he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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