Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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