As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize