i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
