I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
