she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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