I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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