I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
