I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize