Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
