i think my tv is drunk
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
