Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Found your dick twin last night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
