and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You've changed since you got that strap on
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize