naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
