dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
