I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
please don't ironically join a cult
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