I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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