Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
