i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
