I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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