Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
