So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
