Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he thought i was a dude.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
