thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
