Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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