Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
