Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
