I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
