from now on my penis is your penis
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
