i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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