Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
