You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
