In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
