so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
