I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
