Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Brb crying the tears of my youth
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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