My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
even my farts smell like vagina
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
