dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
