I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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