why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
