Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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