I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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